07 March, 2007

The nuttiness of the big eating squirrel

Dear blog,

You will have noticed that there is little rhyme or reason to the topics, or indeed to the mood in which I write. Today's blog comes to you with some inspiration from the great Mr Ozzy Osbourne, to whose music I am currently listening.

Anyway, squirrels (or squizzers, as they are known in the Gomezcat household). In the nice, suburban part of London which I call home, are some of the world's most pampered. They are the sort who would demand appearance fees if there were a documentary called, "When Squirrels Attack".
"Dahling, you were so vicious"
"Mwa, so were you dahling. Mwa"
"Oh, sooper dahling. YOU! NUTS! NOW, GODDAMIT!"
"Dahling, one can't get the humans these days".

I digress. The Kelsey Park squirrels are more demanding than the Royal Family or Janet Jackson (allegedly). They eat nuts, but not common or garden cheap supermarket own brand. For Their Squizzernesses, only Hazelnuts (organic, thank you) or Walnuts ("tsssk, I suppose") will do. It is with some trepidation that Miss Gomezcat and I enter their domain. It is as if we had asked for an audience with His Holiness.

"And you are?"
"A servant wishing to serve you, o cute one"
"I see. May I inspect the merchandise? Receipt, please"
"(Blush)"
"And these are from Sainsbury's... I see"
"Any chance of a photo, Your Squizzerness?"
"Erm, not with those dastardly pigeons in shot. SHOO!"

And on. And on....
Some of the critters are here. I include a picture of zombie squirrel. You approach evil-eyed zombie squirrel at your own peril. His comrades can be found here.

More nonsense to follow later in the week.

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